


Never Was, Never Will Be

by Asteria_Selene



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asteria_Selene/pseuds/Asteria_Selene
Summary: Miya Atsumu realizes the bitter truth he tried so hard to fight."Fate is cruel. I was a fool to believe otherwise."
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Kudos: 29





	Never Was, Never Will Be

**Author's Note:**

> Aye angst train leaving the station.

▋It was back then.

The moment he passed by me, I felt a gentle tug on my heartstrings. It was a feeling I've never encountered before, and as if on instinct, my head whipped around to follow the blur of orange that zipped by my shoulder. My eyes followed him as he weaved through the crowd, his agility making him dodge the dozens of people with little effort, and I stared until the little orange dot faded away.

And then I realized, my heart was thundering in my chest, beating as if I had run a full kilometer sprint. It was a strange feeling, but I paid it no heed.

Things like these come and go, after all.

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋The rising stars amongst the first years. The Freak Duo, Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou.

_Hinata Shouyou._

The name was one I've never heard before, and yet I felt some kind of connection to it. The name intrigues me, and my curiosity grew by the second. The strange feeling I felt that one afternoon had nestled back into my chest, making my adrenaline spike. It left me restless for the entire day, my head lost in thought more than usual.

_Just who are you?_

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋And then there he was.

In Karasuno's team sat a lone spot of orange, and somehow I knew. It was him. From that one afternoon. And by some weird coincidence, he was Hinata Shoyou of the First Year Freak Duo.

My eyes were on the little spiker as their game commenced. My eyes silently followed his nimble motions in court, just as I did when I looked at him weave through the crowd. I watched him as he played as if there was no tomorrow. Watched him as he ran from one side of the court to the other, as he jumped hit the ball set to him by his partner. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from him. He had such a magnetizing presence.

He was like a black hole, drawing all the eyes in the court towards him. Or maybe that was just me.

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋"One day, I'm gonna set for you."

The words of my declaration hung in the air as I walked away from them. They were words I had spoken in the heat of the moment, but I meant every single bit of what I said. I was enchanted by his movements, by his raw potential. I want to see what I can do with the uncut diamond that was Hinata, and what wonders we could achieve together. The endless possibilities that ran through my mind filled me with renewed energy despite the fact that we have been playing for quite a while now.

"Someday. Someday I will." I muttered to myself. Samu only gives me a questioning glance, but doesn't address it directly.

A smile ghosts on my lips. The whistle sounds, sharply cutting through the air.

_Hm. It was only the beginning._

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋I had never forgotten the words I spoke to him in the Spring Tournament. I promised him I would play with him, someday.

Every single day that promise had become my motivation, pushing me to improve myself just as he is. The last time I heard of him was when news of his journey to Rio spread in the community. To be honest, my heart dropped at the news. He was leaving, and I might never see him again. But even then, I struggled to improve, to push myself even further forward, for that little chance that I'll get to play with him, to be with him.

And as if the universe had heard my silent plea, there he was. Right there, standing on our court, was Hinata Shoyou. It was him alright, but not quite. He's changed. He's become stronger, greatly improved his skills, but he wasn't quite there yet. It was my job to bring out the full potential of my spikers, and that was what I plan to do. All those years I trained and fought, all for this moment in time.

The second his eyes met mine, the strange feeling was back. It felt like a forgotten memory, like a distant thought that had been lurking at the back of my head. But it was there, and it was stronger as well. My voice threatened to leave me, and my heart was thundering just as it did all those years ago. He threw a small wave in my direction, and I returned the gesture.

"Welcome to the team, Hinata-kun."

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋Everything's been going well, and the latest match was the proof of that. It showed how all of us had improved over the years, especially our little Shouyou. He's the one that grew the most despite the relatively shorter time he was in MSBY. A bright smile appears on both our faces as our eyes lock, savoring the sweet taste of our new victory. My heart swelled with pride and affection for the little spiker, and recently I realized— maybe my feelings were more than that. There was a part of me that yearned for more, to make him mine.

My reverie was cut short as I felt the air get knocked out my lungs as Bokuto swept us all into a group hug.

Suddenly, I felt Hinata's arms around me as well. As I turned to face him, a bright smile was plastered on his features, his natural glow and bubbliness still intact even after the long game. I found his embrace to be the most comforting, the most rewarding after all the effort. His energy was contagious, and a smile had crept up in my face as well. We broke off and headed towards the rest of the group. I lagged behind them, walking at a slower pace, yet my eyes only followed the orange tufts of hair the entire time.

That was when I decided I would tell him soon. I couldn't keep this feeling caged up any longer. I wanted to tell him how I feel. And once again my mind wandered to the endless possibilities of the future, a small smile ghosting over my lips.

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋The celebratory dinner was lively as usual, especially with Bokuto present. The man seemed to have boundless energy, and tonight was no different. The team's laughter echoed around the private room they had gotten, the smell of sake faint in the air. After a few moments of thinking, I thought now would be a good time to tell him. I made up my mind and steeled my resolve, the sake helping me push away the stray thoughts of doubt that had sneaked into my mind.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The air of the restaurant entered my lungs, cold and soothing.

When I reopened my eyes, I realized that the redhead was nowhere to be found. I blinked a few times to clear my vision, because the sake might have made me more tipsy than I thought. Just then, Bokuto's loud voice sounded in the room. "Where's Shouyou-kun?" The mention of his name immediately snagged my attention, my eyes quickly flicking to the spiker. Mixed murmurs of several people quickly filled the silence. The coach's voice was barely heard over the commotion, but it didn't miss me. As soon as I heard "he excused himself and went out", I immediately got up from my seat and muttered "I'll check on him" loud enough for the others to hear, not even bothering to look back as I pushed through the doors and into the frigid night air.

∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆▽∆

▋THIRD PERSON ▋

Atsumu Miya glances down the sides of the street, yet no trace of orange was to be found. The surroundings had started becoming dim as well; a few of the shops were already closing. He looked around again, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to chase away the slight drowsiness that crept at the corner of his vision. He jogs down the road with a casual pace, keeping his eyes open for any sign of Hinata. He felt his heart beat violently in his chest, his steps becoming more frantic by the second. As he rounded the corner, he heard a voice.

"I told you, it's nothing like that, Tobio!"

Atsumu froze. That was Hinata, Atsumu was sure of it. And he was talking to Kageyama?

"Then what was that, huh? Earlier, after the game?" Kageyama's voice boomed in the empty alley.

Atsumu knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help himself. It seemed like his feet had been firmly rooted in the ground beneath him.

"Didn't you see the way he looked at you?" Kageyama's voice was softer now, sounded like he was about to break.

"Didn't see who?" Shoyou's voice was timid, but exasperation still lingered in his tone.

" _ATSUMU-SAN!_ "

Atsumu drew in a sharp breath, and he could've sworn he felt his heart drop to his stomach as he heard Kageyama shout his name.

 _Me?_ _When was this about me?_ _Why?_

A hundred questions started popping up in Atsumu's head, to the point that he almost felt overwhelmed.

"When did it ever change, Shouyou?" Kageyama sounded like he was about to burst into tears. There were a few moments of silence, and only the sound of shuffling feet can be heard.

Those few seconds were enough to get Atsumu's thoughts racing.

_Wait. Hinata...likes me?_ His brain couldn't seem to completely absorb the information.

A small smile surfaced on Atsumu's features after what he heard. Those few seconds of silence brought Atsumu's hopes high up. But as the next second came, it came crashing down, burying him under the weight of his own expectations.

" _Change_ , Tobio? It never changed. And it never will. I love _you_ , didn't I tell you that before?"

Their soft voices continued to echo down the almost empty street, muttering apologies to one another, but Atsumu's head was ringing.

_Hinata Shoyou liked Kageyama Tobio all this time._

_Of course he did._

He never noticed when his feet started carrying him back to the restaurant doors. All he knew was that he was suddenly standing in front of the semi-translucent glass doors of the restaurant. As he re-entered the establishment, he lingered at the doorway, his thoughts still scrambled after what he had heard. He was violently brought back to reality as Bokuto's loud voice thundered in the room, asking for Hinata.

"Oh, he's right around the corner; he's talking to someone, i think." Atsumu replies, focusing on keeping his tone steady and casual, desperate to mask any sort of emotion that he felt. He sits back at his place beside Sakusa, sighing as he does so. The other man stared at him for a little too long, adding in a hesitant "are you alright?" Atsumu only shrugged him off, blaming the cold air for his seemingly odd demeanor. Atsumu started going down on his cup sake, pretending to ignore Sakusa's eyes that studied his expression, and breathing a small sigh of relief as the other man turned his attention back to his own drink.

Everybody's shouts of merriment became louder as Hinata re-entered the restaurant as well, a large smile plastered on his face. Atsumu avoided looking at the redhead's face, afraid that the sight of the him would break his mask. Instead, he busied himself with the sake in his cup. Matters of the heart were fickle things, after all. He downs the sake, trying to ignore the pain that replaced that buzzy feeling, the sharp stabs he felt whenever he heard Shoyou's voice.

Such was the fate of those who waited, he knew. He thought this time would be different, but nope. The universe used this opportunity to slap the truth in his face.

_'Point taken, universe,'_ Atsumu mused in his head. He laughs bitterly at the thought, his eyes focused on the hazy reflection of the lights in his sake.

▋ _Such was the fate of those who waited for too long._ ▋

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello 👉👈 my entry for Haikyuu Angst Week Day 1. Pardon me for grammatical errors and other things I might have missed, i literally just sped through this one. This isn't my best, but I'll share it anyway.  
> C&C well appreciated. Thank you ^^ Late by one day, I know. Let's pretend I'm in a different time zone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Im Miraya (or Aya), message me [here](https://twitter.com/miraya_potato)! Talk to me about Haikyuu or whatever! Share random stuff about your day, rant to me about your problems, imma take it. Just, no lewd stuff.


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